Becoming

"We become what we worship." (Louie Giglio, The Air I Breathe)

Worship defines us. We choose what we worship, but in the end, the object of our worship becomes our obsession. Our obsession guides every decision, every action, every word, and every thought.  It's a frightening idea that we choose that which ultimately motivates every moment of our lives. And yet we choose so carelessly, without pondering the ramifications, without searching for truth. We follow society. We follow family. We follow friends. We follow celebrities. We follow emotions. We follow experiences. We follow our own accomplishments. We follow...we follow...we follow.

God did not create mankind to follow other created things. God created us for fellowship ("followship") with Him, in all His wonderful and radiant glory. Nothing else can satisfy the longing every human has to worship. Anything else, no matter how pleasant or "good" it may be is a poor copy of what is real, and will ultimately let us down. Then what?

If I define myself by my own accomplishments, what happens when I don't succeed? What does that make me?

If I define myself by my friends or family, what happens when they leave? Where does that leave me?

 If I define myself by society or celebrity, what happens when those things change? How does that change me?

Who am I when my worship and obsession leads me only to myself?  I shudder to think that my own "wisdom" is the end of all my knowledge and understanding. 

So often, though, I find that I forget the magnificent obsession that is Christ. Whatever I do, whoever I am...it is nothing if it does not bring honor and glory to His name.

 Perhaps that is part of the problem in the "Church" today. Even church leaders fall prey to the idea that accomplishment or celebrity is the desired outcome of some event or program. Tozer says it best:

The shallowness of our inner experience, the hollowness of our worship, and that servile imitation of the world...testify that we, in this day, know God only imperfectly, and the peace of God scarcely at all. If we would find God amid all the religious externals we must first determine to find Him, and then proceed in the way of simplicity... (A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God)

Religious externals, societal externals, personal externals---these are all false gods that destroy our testimony, and ultimately define us, not as Believers, but as created beings ignoring the Creator.

I want to be totally obsessed with God. I want to LONG for fellowship with Him they way He wants me to seek after Him. I want to be defined by my relationship with Christ. I want to BECOME more like Him, so that my worship of Him is complete, unadultered, and pure.

Rounding third...focused on Home

Grief is a strange and horrible thing. To watch someone you love suffer well makes it worse. A young man I know is dying of cancer. He was diagnosed as a boy, and has grown into a man with an uncertain future. Yet, now, as the pain becomes unbearable and the cancer takes over his body, he remains fixated on Heaven and on praising God in ALL things.

His sister knows that his time on this earth grows shorter with every moment. She wonders every time she speaks with him if it will be the last time. She hates to leave the house for fear he will be gone when she returns. Yet, she is confused why God allows him to continue suffering. Why, if he has finished his earthly work, is he allowed to linger in unspeakable pain?

His mother has watched his progress from diagnosis through treatments to testimony and now to dying. Her faith is evident, and she chooses praise and trust in God's perfect will, but at the same time her heart is shredded by the suffering of her son.  She knows intellectually that God loves him even more than she can. She understands that God knows the pain of watching a child suffer unto death. She recognizes that God loves each of us more than we can imagine. But she is a human mother who wants to make the path smooth for her child, and she is helpless to ease his physical pain.

How does one justify the love of God with the seemingly unnecessary suffering of a believer and his family?

C.S. Lewis learned about suffering and grief and pain watching his beloved wife die of bone cancer. He wrote of that misery,
    

         "Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact   that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief."     (Lewis, A Grief Observed)

Lewis never lost his faith in a loving God, but he, in all his intellectual genius, couldn't answer the "why" question either. He compared grief to fear, and scorned those who tried to put a "religious" face on suffering. There really is nothing worse than the mindless cliches' about a "better place" or a "reason for everything." They may be accurate cliches' but they don't ease the heartache of the sufferer--or those who suffer around and with him.

I don't understand the mind of God--how could I? I can't make sense of this kind of suffering, either--for the young man physically and for his family emotionally.  I can't see the good God promises to work out for those who love Him, as this family truly does.  All I can do is be inspired and motivated by their stubborn praise, knowing that God is sovereign and that HE knows the reasons.

"Where, except in the present, can the Eternal be met?"

(Lewis, Christian Reflections)

...to the ends of the earth

I have always admired missionaries. Leaving the familiar behind and taking on unknown challenges had to require amazing faith and courage. I contented myself with prayer and financial support and hosting and making meals for missionaries. It was safe--and necessary.

Then God started moving my life around. Having a child with unique needs, moving across the country, watching God unfold His plan so obviously--there was no doubt that I depended on Him for my sustenance day by day. Life at home really wasn't "safe" but required as much faith and courage as the unknown. Tomorrow IS the great unknown.

My perspective began to change, ever so slightly. The church we attend in our new home is VERY mission-minded--more so than most. Mission trips are not limited to once a year with the high school or a few select long term missionaries who come through every three or four years renewing their support. Those faithful servants are STILL the backbone of spreading the Gospel around the world to every culture, but I began seeing different ideas in action.

This same church puts out an annual call for service. (That's one of the things I appreciate about this church--they aren't satisfied with giving the congregants information and hoping something happen: they expect things to happen. And funny thing, their expectations are usually met.) On the form that everyone received was a list of ministries: music, hospitality, teaching, recreation, and a host of other opportunities. Among them was "short-term missions." I checked that box, along with music, drama, and teaching (all things I am passionate about) and handed it to the usher. And promptly forgot all about it. It wasn't like I suddenly had a "burning bush" moment and a desire to go to the jungles of the Amazon. I just checked it.

Months later I was practically ambushed by an acquaintance in the choir as I searched for a table at Wednesday night supper. She was planning a short trip to Romania to lead Christian Womens' conferences and she just knew that I would fill a necessary place on the team. Romania? Me? That was just too random to be an accident, so I told her I would watch and pray. God worked out all the details in timing and funding, so off I went for nearly two weeks. I left a bit of my heart there in Romania, and found myself looking forward to returning.

As I was getting excited about returning to Romania, God was mapping out a different trip. A member of our Sunday School class returned from her trip to the orphanages of Bulgaria and told me that I needed to go on the next trip to Bulgaria as there were some teenage girls who needed love and attention from an adult (but cool) woman who was passionate about teens. I was already thinking about Romania, so I didn't commit to anything. Having learned to watch God in action, I kept my mind, heart, and eyes open. .

Then I got the dates for the Romania trip---the same as Carrie's graduation. Well, that took care of that. Romania was not part of the plan for 2008. And then Bulgaria came to the front again. Watch and pray--and God worked all the details again--and I was on a team headed to Bulgaria.

This trip was VERY different. In Romania I was working with Christian adults. In Bulgaria we were presenting the love of God to young people from ages 8-20. Instead of preparing talks on how to live a fruitful Christian life, I prepared crafts for kids and teens. The language was harder to understand. (Romania uses the Roman alphabet, while Bulgaria uses a Cyrillic.) The needs were different, the focus was different, the stories were very different. Even though the countries border one another (from one hotel we looked across the Danube into Romania) they share very little since the fall of communism. Bulgaria is far behind in every imaginable way.

God always surprises me with His plan. I gave up trying to predict my future a LONG time ago. I have learned to be content with every day. Even though I still desire to return to the women of Romania, God had a purpose for me in Bulgaria. It was another new experience. He is sovereign over all things; I am along for the ride wherever it takes me--even to the ends of the earth.